Many stories have their moments where "love", without warning - walks into the scene, totally throwing off the protagonist. Here is one of mine...
I had just finished a Yoga Nidra session and was heading back to my room for an afternoon shower and siesta. I found myself having to constantly shower throughout my days in India. I was always a hot mess of sweat and dirt. Accompanying the sweat and dirt was an eclectic smell mixture of cow and dog, whom I was always taking the time to love on. On the walk to my room I was singing the song "Juicy" by The Notorious B.I.G. While in the middle of belting out the lyrics, a French girl (whom I'd never met) - small in stature but large in demeanor, joined in. We finished the lyrics together without missing a beat and with zero hesitation. I was stunned and surprised in the best of ways. Why? I think it was the liberating confidence that she displayed by sporadically synching up with me (a stranger) and joining me in song. I love when people drop all the social norms and just go for it, whatever "it" is. For me, it was a simple but bold act. Upon finishing the chorus together, we both, without words, went our separate ways. Her name? Stella.
I've never believed in the whole "love" at first sight idea, but I can say that there was an instantaneous attraction. There was some type of force and it was definitely pulling me towards her. You could call this force by different names: aurora, energy, vibrations, or many other wu-wu esoteric labels. But at its core, it was simply a positive feeling that I felt when in her presence. Having only just met her, I already wanted to know the story that laid behind her deep brown eyes. Our first random meeting was short lived. We didn't exchange contact information, but it turned out she was studying at the same yoga shala as me. No doubt we'd run into each other again.
Some days later, through the absolute randomness of life, we found ourselves on a roof top over looking the city of Rishikesh. It was night time. The air was perfectly brisk. I still remember looking at both her and the moon, going between the two, thinking that both were delightful sights to see. As I write this, it all sounds so silly and cliche, but sometimes such is life. We are all on our own heroes journey stringing together the experiences that we find ourselves in, trying to make sense of it all. All this to say that many times people (me also) romanticize things, especially "love", and that maybe I'm doing that here...but in the end I believe that life is in fact romantic, so fuck it. I shall continue to romanticize. Back to the roof top...On the roof top that night we talked and talked, slowly revealing our individual histories and what had brought us to India. After our second meeting, I was sure there would be a third, but I was in no rush to make it happen. I just knew that it would. I also had a sneaky suspicion that before long we were going to be kissing. Already in our second meeting, I could feel the tension rising...
As I've traveled over the years, I've learned that "foreign" women have a certain allure to me (although what was " foreign" is now my "normal"). I love the thrill of meeting someone who because of different backgrounds, cultures, languages, etc, is hard to figure out...and to be honest, I don't think I even want to ever completely figure out anyone. I like there to be some mystery, some unexpected twists and turns. Same goes for myself to others. Part of me always wants to keep certain things purely for myself. Not all things need to be shared. Anyways, back to foreign women. I love accents. I love differing perspectives. I love comical cultural miscommunications (like the time Stella said Adidas (the brand) and I thought she was talking about an "ass" because of the way she pronounced it). I love what is vastly different than me. I love learning the metaphors of another language (and furthermore, trying to explain them) - every single bit of it. Instead of the unfamiliarities and differences being something that pushes me away, it's something that pulls me in. Stella was my first romantic taste of all of these things. It hit me hard in the best of ways.
On our third meeting, after having both practiced an intense Ashtanga session, we joined each other in going to the Ganges river. To finish an asana session with a jump in the water of the Ganges was a daily treat that would become a ritual of ours. We managed to find a nook in the rocks along the river that provided us with a bit of peace and privacy. We'd climb to the tallest rock possible and jump off, repeating this until our hearts were content. The first time before jumping, Stella was hesitant. I grabbed her and said, "Let's go!" and pulled her over the edge with me. In this instance it was me pulling her, but in future instances it would be her pulling me. Pulling me into the unknown. Maybe she was drawn to my adventurous spirit, I don't know. But I do know that I was drawn to the fact that she fully supported my playfulness, better yet, she played along. For me, the ability to "play" is of the utmost importance. Yeah, yeah, yeah, trust, communication, and all those important things are cool, but can we play together? Can we be nonsensical just for the fact that sometimes it's fun? We all know that this life is all going to come to an end eventually. Can we enjoy the rollercoaster ride of life and "play" until it all crashes and burns or slowly fades away?
It seemed that all of the magic that happened between Stella and I happened along the Ganges river. There was one afternoon where we were both dancing, playing, moving (whatever you want to call it) in the sand along the beach that we frequented. After minutes of rolling, jumping, and moving through the sand like the animals that we were, we instantly stopped, became still, connected to our individual breaths, and stared into the eyes of the other. We stepped from a playful chaos directly into a deep state of stillness, gazing into the depths of each other through the eyes - the windows of the soul. It just happened. There was no talk before this. No premeditation. No plan. Just...boom! Our eyes locked and we stopped. We remained in this intimate trance for....10 minutes? 15 minutes? 20 minutes? I'm not exactly sure. When you are staring into the eyes of another, time feels different. I felt waves of vulnerability wash over me over and over again as we remained in our trance. Not once did our eyes falter from each others. Sometimes a smile would creep on the face of one of us that would then be mirrored on the face of the other. For some moments my mind would activate, trying to understand what was happening, but then it would slowly simmer away, allowing me to "be" in that moment fully. We were both simultaneously giving ourselves (emotionally) while also taking in the other. An emptying and filling of our metaphorical cups.Then, in the same way that we began, we snapped out of it. Boom! It was over. Without a moment of pause we both ran and threw ourselves into the river. After coming up out of the water, I realized a crowd had gathered and witnessed this strange but beautiful situation. I questioned myself, "What just happened?" During the coming time with Stella this scenario of eye gazing would repeat itself in the most random of circumstances without warning.
I think something special happens when two people meet in a new place where nobody has any preconceptions of the other. Stella and I had no identity to uphold to ourselves or to others, no emotional baggage connected to any of the people we were around. This meant we were able to fully be who we wanted to be in that moment. Complete emotional freedom. And with this, of course magic happens. I believe this is exactly how life should feel when we are living from the heart and not over analyzing everything. Each day we can wake up and consciously decide who we are going to be and how we are going to act - a daily rebirth. Unfortunately, most of the time our attachments to who we were yesterday cut us off from transforming into who we want to be today. This comes from within but also from those around us. When we are blocked in this way, I believe our openness to all things (including romance) is severely limited. For whatever reason, I guess because of the circumstances, Stella and I were in a complete state of openness. Things just clicked and fell into place. Am I romanticizing again?
The first time that we made love was along the Ganges river. As I said, most of the magic between us happened there. We could hear the bustling city sounds mingled with the soft swishing and swashing of the river before us. And of course, the moon was full and bright. Everything was washed in the glow of the moons light. On this night, and a few others after this, we didn't even bother to return to our rooms. We allowed ourselves to fall into a deep slumber as the sounds of Mother Ganges lulled us to sleep. We had done this so many times that at one point we even befriended a wild dog. Our furry friend would sleep at our feet, protecting us as we slept. During these moments, as I was slowly drifting into dream land, with my body intertwined with Stellas, I'd think about the complete randomness of life. Here I was: in India lying along the Ganges river, holding a French lover, with a stray dog watching over us. "What a life", I'd mutter to myself. "What a life"....I'd always fall asleep feeling completely and utterly alive.
Without knowing it, it seemed I was stepping onto the rollercoaster ride of "love" with Stella. This ride with Stella ended up changing the course of my life. It would be the string that eventually led me to a short lived life in Paris, France - which would open me up to the world of circus. I can without a doubt connect a through line from my meeting with Stella, to where I am today. Wild stuff. Sometimes I think the universe throws someone on our path in order to orient us. That person can come in the form of a friend, lover, stranger on the street, or even an enemy. For me, this person came in the form of a lover. Stella, with those brown eyes that pulsated with life, those eyes that I remember most.
Stella and I probably spent about a month or so joining forces and adventuring together in Rishikesh. If you haven't already discovered this for yourself, love doesn't operate in the same dimension as time. In our small time together we discovered waterfalls, explored nearby cities on a rented scooty, danced ourselves clean at an ecstatic dance class, befriended locals, saw wild elephants, accidentally drank from the Ganges river multiple times (what doesn't kill you makes you stronger?), practiced Ashtanga yoga on various rooftops as the sun rose, so many things. All these things without the mind and in bear feet. The heart was the captain of our connection and we were the passengers enjoying the voyage...and what a voyage it was.
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